


Unacknowledged Depths

by sunsetseas77



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hook-Up, Lena knows people outside of NC, Pining, Pushing down feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetseas77/pseuds/sunsetseas77
Summary: Lena is working non-stop on the transmatter portal and, when she can’t avoid it, regretting the fact she never made her feelings known before Kara got involved with someone else. She pursues a night out to address her frustrations via other distractions. But moving past failures and feelings is a complicated undertaking.AU set roughly Ep 19/20. Using mostly canon timeline through Ep 19 as context with one exception being Lena, at least privately, is not OK with Kara’s relationship status. Lena’s feelings for Kara are present but Kara isn’t. Weaving non-platonic feelings and possible outcomes of those in the canon story and also a bit of how Lena prioritizes and deals with emotions. Nothing fluffy here - check the tags and rating.





	Unacknowledged Depths

For the past three weeks Lena had been sequestered in the laboratory whenever she didn’t have an in-person meeting. She’d seen no one but her recently acquired business partner and her work colleagues. Texts and phone calls with anyone other than her assistant and the lab team had been short and to the point. Even with the time she’d been devoting, the situation with the portal was beyond frustrating. She wasn’t one to dial back expectations and intensity just because they were attempting to bring into existence technology that the world had never seen. The team had a concept and plans, access to materials and facilities, and some of the best minds available, including hers. They’d made significant progress, but a string of setbacks had Lena on edge like she hadn’t been since she first took over Luthor Corp with the rebranding and ship-righting still looming ahead.

And then there was her personal life. But no, she told herself, that was not part of what had precipitated this Friday evening. It was the need to get out of the lab, to enjoy a social outlet, and perhaps a physical one as well. After pressing this hard for weeks, she needed a change in scenery and attitude. 

National City presented a different playing field for her than Metropolis, one that she was less familiar with. But even here she knew people who knew people, who could connect her with friends and acquaintances that were open to being exceptional dinner companions, to drinking and dancing and possibly to other experiences with the A-list crowd if opportunities presented themselves, who knew how to be discrete. Such meetings had always been one-offs for her regardless of location - calculated and acceptable risks, an arrangement that all involved parties understood and agreed to the terms of from the outset, an activity that she chose not to repeat with the same person no matter how an evening played out.

And the evening had been going well. She had escaped work and returned home to prepare, heading out the door to the waiting driver and bodyguard in a Lincoln Town Car that Lionel had bought for his fleet almost a decade ago, epitomizing the elegant yet refined look in a black scoop back dress and 3” stilettos with her hair pulled back and diamonds and emeralds glinting from accessories. 

Her date had declined a ride and Lena had gone directly to the tapas restaurant. Once there she had wined and dined a gorgeous woman with black hair and intelligent brown eyes in a burgundy sheath dress who had enthralling tales to tell about the music industry where she tracked trends and identified talent, tales that helped Lena forget all about her own shop talk. Capitalizing on the success of the encounter to that point, they then made their way to a nearby bar within one of the most exclusive restaurants in National City, located at the top of a five-star hotel with 360-degree views through tintable windows.

The bar was where, to her surprise, both Lena’s avoidance and coping strategies around her personal life faltered badly in the face of the lightest challenge. While they sat close enough to each other on bar stools that their shoulders were able to brush, one sipping a whiskey and the other a gin and tonic, her companion responded to a question from Lena by citing CatCo magazine’s recent article on artists redefining what constituted an album. 

Lena’s facial expression never shifted from intrigued as the conversation played out, but a slight yet still palpable chill settled over the area inside their two-stool perimeter. Her companion noticed it and made a valiant effort to get things back on track, but she was at a disadvantage that she had no way of understanding. Lena tried from her end but realized she was being unfair, that she wasn’t going to come back to this charming woman from where her head had unexpectedly taken her. The conversation, burdened by her issues, eventually trailed off. 

And now Lena watches a perfectly lovely date walk away because of a weakness in her emotional state. This needed diversion had been about more than work and she should have admitted as much to herself from the beginning. She could have prepared accordingly rather than putting someone who was unfamiliar with her under the pressure of not only getting to know her but also avoiding mystery topics.

She orders another drink and makes steady progress on it while silently damning her ridiculous hang-up on a friend, on Kara Danvers, cub reporter at CatCo. Kara’s actions and words have made her feel welcome and cared about over the past months, a position she has rarely found herself in. But Kara’s recently revealed relationship with another has brought a wave of opposite emotions. There is something between herself and Kara. She’s felt it, and she is sure she has seen the acknowledgement of a connection in Kara’s eyes. But Lena has always feared acting on it, feared that she was misconstruing the bond she experienced or that she would be rejected because of her identity, and that has now put her on the outside.

She feels herself getting wound up tighter and tighter as her brain flits between fixating on the recent failures in the portal testing, which block her seemingly endless efforts both to bring something good into the world and to potentially get this monkey of a name off her back, and these longing feelings she has for Kara. 

Frustrated by the path she is going down, she tells herself forcefully that she can handle this. Her willpower and pragmatism are enough to put an end to this pseudo-relationship drama. She will move past the messy muddle of feelings associated with her best friend; they are getting her nowhere. Her focus should be on the project, the thing she has control over and can drive to a successful end, paying dividends for the company and her. That successful end is her target, and only that. She is going to start taking action from this mindset immediately.

During this internal high-speed processing that is supplemented by wine and whiskey she’s scanning the bar area but not really observing. She pauses though when something rings familiar about a group occupying a small booth against a wall. As she looks over, a woman with auburn hair that falls a few inches past her shoulders dressed in a charcoal grey D&G suit has just turned away and is conversing with two blonde men, both tailored in navy Brooks Brothers. Lena recognizes all the signs of the adjournment of a late-night business meeting to the nearest drinking establishment. She doesn’t linger on them but finds herself discretely running her eyes over the booth a few times before it happens; the woman looks around as the conversation there seems to be winding down and they make eye contact. Lena holds the gaze as recognition flickers between them, and then looks away as the other looks back to her associates.

Now this could be interesting in a number of ways, Lena thinks, the edges of her lips quirking up. Maybe she can move this distraction provided by her personal life out of her head even more quickly and also salvage this night after all. What better way to demonstrate how easy it can be?

Sitting across the way is Simone Allard, in her early thirties and already an equity partner at one of Metopolis’ two biggest law firms for two years. There have been rumors about her appearing on the letterhead of a high-profile firm by 35 – if not with her current employer than with one who would poach her from them. She and Lena are contemporaries, Simone being a few years older. Very few people have as much money as Lena, but Simone and she moved in many of the same circles during Lena’s time in Metropolis – and worked similar hours. The two had a couple of previous casual encounters four years ago – along with a sharp mind and wit and a strong sense of justice that occasionally had struck Lena as a contradiction when she thought about the attorney’s chosen field within the law, the other woman’s thick auburn hair, piercing brown eyes, and swimmer’s physique that she had maintained from her competitive days in college had all caught Lena’s attention. The interest had not been one-sided, but it also hadn’t been serious for either party.

When she glances over again minutes later, Simone is there but her business colleagues have disappeared. She’s obviously had her eyes on the bar where Lena sits. The look she gives Lena mixes familiarity, casualness, and something that looks a bit like sympathy. Lena’s visceral response is embarrassment - god knows how long Simone’s been in the bar and she probably saw the crumbling of her date – followed by a determination to not be ruled by maddening feelings and failures. Lena looks away only to order an Irish whiskey and, after accepting it, she gracefully moves off the bar stool to the booth.

As Lena walks up, the other woman gives her a once-over – it feels like a bit of a power move and Lena finds it amusing – before she relaxes back into the seat. “Fancy meeting you here, Lena,” is Simone’s initial greeting. Her hair, makeup, and suit look barely affected by what was likely a long day, but there is a touch of tiredness around her eyes that her smile doesn’t quite chase away. “I’m glad you came over. Share a drink with me?” She lifts what looks like a scotch and water. “It’s been an absolutely god-awful week.”

The sincerity behind that statement and the mirroring of her own situation makes Lena smile back. “I’d like that. I know the feeling,” she responds as she slides into the other side of the low-lit booth. The scent of expensive cologne is present but dissipating quickly.

The two fall into conversation and Lena finds herself relaxing into this easy rapport brought by shared history and shared misery. In response to Lena’s inquiry about her presence, Simone launches into the story of a client she is on retainer with, minding the boundaries dictated by confidentiality, as they both lean forward onto the table. She has spent the last two months spending half of her time with the client’s in-house counsel, one of the men present earlier, on a perplexing legal situation at their National City branch. This bar has become a common meeting place because the hotel that houses it has been her home away from home. The client’s counsel has been difficult to work with and this week added to the bad news about their position. The whole thing looks like it might drag on for another few months at least, though she hopes she’ll be able to cut down the hours she has to spend in National City very soon. 

She tells it all with a wicked sense of humor, a talent for highlighting the absurd, and additional detail sprinkled in about her time in National City. Lena finds herself laughing with Simone throughout. They finish off their drinks and are sipping the next round as the story wraps up.

With a break in the storytelling, Simone gives Lena an appraising look over the top of her glass. “So what about you? What has you drinking at the bar? Or is this your National City MO?” 

Something in the look Simone is giving her convinces Lena that Simone saw her original reason for being here, though she could have deduced such an outing had occurred from Lena’s attire. She’s too polite to mention it but is giving Lena the opening to talk.

Lena drops her eyes, hesitating even as she is unsure why she doesn’t simply shift the topic. The quiet draws on until Simone sits back against the bench seat and fills it. “I want you to know, I think you’ve done impressive work with L Corp, Lena. I’ve been keeping an eye on your progress…”

“Considering our potential as a client to pursue?” Lena looks up her tone half-joking.

“Of course,” Simone responds with a smirk. “I’m still obligated to make a name for myself and millions for my firm.” She pauses for a beat. “It’s been good to see. I can only imagine the workload you’ve taken on given the results L Corp is showing.”

Lena shrugs with her eyes now roaming around the bar. She goes with the approach of minimizing accomplishments and speaking in generalities. “Re-purposing the company has certainly brought some challenges, and the last month has been 80-plus hour workweeks. We’re trying to get some possibly game-changing tech to market. I may be averaging a broken tablet and a team member resignation a week.” That last part is completely honest at least.

“Sounds god-awful.” Simone’s head is resting against the back of the seat as she looks at Lena with the understanding and sympathy of a colleague who’s familiar with the overall processes if not the specifics. “So that’s all that fits that description?”

Lena is enjoying the company; the night has certainly taken a turn for the better. She’s not in the mood to talk about her life, partly because she’s not lingering on earlier thoughts. She wants the focus to be on now, including seeing if the night has anywhere else to go.

She takes a pull of her drink and ends the motion staring into her glass. “There’s nothing else I want to talk about. I’m happy forgetting it all in the bottom of a tumbler.” Her head tilts back up. The ‘or in someone’s bed’ is left unsaid but the look Lena gives Simone runs perfectly along the fine edge between an overt and covert declaration of such. She waits to see which way it’s taken.

Simone looks straight at her and her voice is low, “My suite is refined and impersonal and may have spare tumblers if that interests you.”

Lena’s cheeks flush slightly with that look and a tingle of excitement definitely shoots through her. Nothing messy, she reminds herself to keep things in check for a moment. “Would anyone have a problem with me visiting?” she asks.

Simone finishes off her drink and eyes her, “I’m not involved with anyone.” She raises an eyebrow. “You?”

“No, no one.” Lena shakes her head. She can’t sense her own tone or body language being anything but neutral. Still, the other woman gives her a curious look, and then seems to let it go.

They both understand what this is – blowing off the stress of a hectic week with no repercussions or strings attached. Someone like Simone may be the closest thing to comfortable that Lena is going to find for this sort of activity and that has a strong appeal. And she knows from experience she’s very likely to enjoy it. 

“Shall we?”

Thirty minutes later, two drained glasses sit on a nightstand in a darkened bedroom, their owners tangled up in each other. No words are being exchanged, just deep breaths and gasps along with carefully placed pressure and a little well-intentioned pain. 

Lena hasn’t been with anyone in months but has easily sunk into this. That was the point, wasn’t it? There’s nothing to hold her back. Her mouth is working across broad, toned shoulders, one arm wrapped around strong abs, her other hand pressing lower. She responds to a whispered plea that matches her own desires and moves everything faster, with more direction, and soon her partner is shaking.

She feels the woman in front of her slowly relax. Lena’s hands drop and her eyes stay closed as she feels her partner turn around and move her onto her back, the roles reversed. It’s a mouth and hands lavishing attention on her and she lays back, the alcohol and the desire for release from everything hanging over her contributing to her losing herself in it. Lena doesn’t speak, guiding with her body and with hands buried in thick hair. 

As the attention to her body continues, her inhibitions drop with the intimacy and alcohol, and she doesn’t notice that she fails to ground herself in reality. Unbidden, and overcoming her denial, the sight behind her closed eyes morphs into blonde hair that her hands tangle in. A small voice inside warns she’s slipping but it’s overridden by the fact that the visual results in every point of contact eliciting heightened sensations and responses unlike what she’s felt before. She revels in the physical experience as it continues but fails to maintain control of other facets.

Everything builds up rapidly with the stimulating feedback, and before she fully realizes it she is on the edge and then over with a loud cry and a tensed body. Her fantasy and reality collide in that instant as a sliver of discipline reappears just in time to stifle the name on her lips, put there by the images in her head. As she comprehends what brought her to this point, her body stills while internally emotions hit with full force. The rush receding, she’s shocked to find herself fighting back tears and she curls her body away.

After a few minutes, Lena has gathered herself, and she moves to a sitting position. Her head remains low and her eyes are on her hands resting on her legs. She had registered Simone moving to the other side of the bed, seeming to sense her need for space, and she catches a thoughtful look directed at her by the other woman as she’s shifting her position.

They remain briefly in silence until Simone finally speaks, “I don’t mind the hookup. I’ve certainly enjoyed our time together. But you’ve never been like that before in bed. I’ve received my share of compliments but that response… that was more emotion than I’ve seen from you.” 

During the pause that follows, Lena laces and unlaces her fingers, barely keeping herself from the further humiliation of bolting. Simone continues, “Do you want to tell me who she is?”

“There’s no one,” Lena counters with the energy she can put into her voice without tipping back into dangerous territory.

Simone, her head tilted to the side as she regards Lena, purses her lips and nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“It’s fine.” Lena looks up with her voice back to its normal volume, though she can hear the faint undertone of resignation in it. The woman across from her looks unconvinced.

Simone gives her a small smile and rises from the bed. “You’re welcome to stay but I understand if you feel like you don’t want to be here when I come back. You have my number.” She heads into the bathroom.

Before she hears the water turn on, Lena is dressed with shoes in hand and texting her driver as she walks out the door. Her outward composure is again impeccable. Inwardly the realization that she is in far deeper with her romantic feelings for Kara than she thought possible rattles her and her mind is already working on how to effectively purge those. Even as it does, a part of her wonders if she can.

**Author's Note:**

> This could fit into what was going on between the end of Ep 19 and the end of Ep 20 – except possibly for that Ep 20 lunch.


End file.
